Here’s an excerpt:
The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.
The Conservative Spoon
"The Voice Of The Young Conservative Movement"
Author Archives: jcarterwitt
Subsidizing The New York Jets
“They got a tax credit! Why can’t we!”
New York Jets tickets this weekend were going for a measly $18, which is down right “unfair” to this ailing Jets organization. To combat this tragedy the government should support this ailing “Green” team with a Production Tax Credit (PTC). The United States has been subsidizing the wind industry since 1978 (Public Utility Regulatory Policy Act), and its time they start subsidizing under performing NFL teams.
The comparative qualities of each is uncanny.The wind programs are touted as green programs that stop global warming. The wind industry consistently under preforms during large demand periods for electricity. “Data over the last four years demonstrates that approximately 85% of installed wind capacity fails to generate electricity when electricity demand peaks.” The wind industry is dependent upon their location in the country, there is only so many spots that wind blows. The PTC has been defended as a job creator, although it just transfers money from tax payers in one part of the country to ailing green energy companies in another part of the country. Finally the wind industry is plagued by inaccurate forecasts of wind generation. “As wind power output fell, the day-ahead forecast at one point over-estimated supply by 2,000 MW, a very large short-term balancing shortfall calling for more expensive fast-starting backup.”
The Jets, like the wind industry, are green and their ice cold record (5-7) doesn’t add to global warming at all. The Jets, like the wind industry, consistently under preform during high demand games. In 2010 the Jets played three potential playoff teams: Baltimore, New England and the Packers, all but one at home; their record, 1-3. They hold the record for the longest drought without an AFC Championship (42 years), which is roughly the same amount of time the PTC has been around (35 years). And this year the Jets have only beaten one team with a winning record. To the Jets location is an issue as well, they are sandwiched in the New York/New Jersey fan market by the Giants and the Bills. The Jets also are a job creator. No coach in the history of the NFL has promoted more men to get lap band surgery than Rex Ryan has. If the Jets fire him think about all the lap band doctors that will lose their jobs as well. Finally, the Jets have been plagued by their head coach’s inaccurate Superbowl forecasts.
It’s obvious, if we are going to practice fair legislation and support “Green” companies that lose money year after year, the PTC should be applied to both Rex Ryan’s misfits as well as the wind industry.
Scandal #6: The South Carolina Sucker Punch
Rep. Brooks Canes Sen. Sumner
Senator Sumner, an avid abolitionist, spoke for two days on the Senate floor against the Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854. He went on to specifically call out three Senators by name in the speech and went so far as to proclaim that Andrew butler of South Carolina “has chosen a mistress to whom he has made his vows… who’s tongue is always profuse in words.” His use of sexual imagery was planned, continuing the abolitionists’ routine accusation that most of the slave owners only wanted slavery to engage in sexual relations with their slaves. Butler was ill at the time and was absent from Congress on the day of the speech. Butler’s cousin, Representative Preston Brooks of South Carolina, heard about the oral slander against his cousin and decided to protect his family. Using a cane, which ironically he needed for injuries obtained through a political duel in 1840, Brooks attacked Sumner at his desk in the Senate chambers. Sumner’s desk was bolted to the floor and his legs were pinned under the desk so he had to endure the beating until fellow congressmen could subdue Brooks. Brooks became a hero of the south and received numerous canes from admirers; it would take Sumner three years to recover before he returned to the Senate.
Scandal #5: The Real Housewives of Sausalito
Cathomas Starbird, a member of a California school board, got sentenced to 15 days in jail for being a loving wife. For her husband’s birthday Ms. Starbird invited a female friend out for a night of fun. After her “friend” reportedly refused to engage in a “certain act” with her husband, Ms. Starbird physically assaulted her “friend.” Ms. Starbird decided to use the age old fighting technique of face biting in her deadly assault. She successfully bit the face of the other female twice before her husband was able to restrain her. She is no longer a member of the school board, but she happy married and has started her own biting gym “Teeth Kwon Do” in hopes of training others in her unique fighting technique.
Scandal #4: Wilbur’s International Relations
Wilbur Mills with Fanne Foxe
Wilbur Mills was a long standing Democratic Congressman from Arkansas, and candidate for president in 1972. Wilbur, like other Arkansan Presidential Canidates, loved women. Around 2 a.m. on October 9, 1974, Mills was stopped by the U.S. Park Police for not having his lights off while at the Jefferson Memorial. Wilbur was reported to have been wading in the water of the Tidal Basin beside the Jefferson Memorial. When the park rangers pulled Rep. Mills out of the water, they realized he was extremely intoxicated and that his face was injured from a likely scuffle. The scuffled turned out to have been with Annabelle Battistella, or Fanne Foxe, an exotic dancer from Argentina. The following month Wilbur went on to win his election, but put a final nail in the coffin when he held a press conference drunk on November 30th at the Pilgrim Theater where Fanne Foxe (our Argentinean) was performing. After this second public intoxication/Fanne Foxe incident, Mills left Congress and joined Alcoholics Anonymous. To this day he is remembered in Congress for his International Relations accomplishments with South America.
Scandal #3: Rep. David “Tony the Tiger” Wu
Rep. David Wu
David Wu was a Congressman from Oregon that to literally “kept Portland weird.” Rep. Wu resigned in 2011 after questionable behavior and allegations of unwanted sexual behavior. It all started when Halloween came in February in Rep. Wu’s office. Rep. Wu decided to boost the morale of his office by sending around a photo of himself in a full tiger costume. Wu said later that “drugs caused him to send the photo” of himself wearing the black and orange stripped costume to his staff members. However, some of his staff members still contend that it was because the striped mittens brought out the hazel in his eyes. Tony the Tiger didn’t stop there, following the tiger incident Rep. Wu than faced allegations of unwanted sexual behavior with a younger woman. After that Rep. Wu decided he had enough fun in Congress he resigned. Even Nancy Pelosi began to call for his resignation after the sexual harassment charges. Supposedly the resignation line in Congress is not drugged photos of members in tiger costumes, but sexual harassment allegations. Some believe Pelosi was just jealous that that Rep. Wu didn’t personally send her the tiger photo.
Scandal #2: Where’s My Pa?
“Ma Ma, Where’s My Pa?”
Grover Cleveland was 300lbs, a life time bachelor, and the Presidential Candidate for the Democrats in 1884. His record was spotless until a Buffalo newspaper came across a child belonging to Ms. Halpin that had the completion of a certain 300lb presidential nominee. Ms. Halpin was a widowed seamstress and was acquainted with Mr. Cleveland along with a couple of his friends. The child was never proven to be his, but Cleveland did provide Ms. Halpin with a form of child support. Despite the monetary aid, the child was not being raised, so Cleveland had him placed in foster care. The Republican base at the time ate up the story and was know to taunt Cleveland with their shouts of “Ma! Ma! Where’s my Pa?” None the less Cleveland secured the office of the President that year by less than 1% of the vote.
Scandal #1: Byron “Low Tax” Looper
Byron “Low Tax” Looper on the Left
Some people will do anything to get elected, and that’s just what Putnam County Tax Assessor Byron “Low Tax” Looper did. Not once but twice. In 1998, Byron “Low Tax” Looper was running against Tennessee State Senator Tommy Burks. The race was so lop sided that most people thought Tommy Burks was running unopposed. This would change though. Earlier that year Byron “Low Tax” Looper became the original “Ocho-Cinco” and went to court to get his named changed to Byron “Low Tax.” So come election day voters would see “Low Tax” next to his name on their ballots. That wasn’t his last genius campaign idea though. With 30 days left in the election he killed his opponent Tommy Burks. Voting laws state that a candidate that dies prior to the 30-day mark before the election may not appear on the ballot, but a charged man that is not convicted yet may. Tommy Burks’ name could not be displayed on the ballot, but Byron “Low Tax” Looper could, causing Byron “Low Tax” to now be the one running unopposed. Byron “Low Tax” Looper won the election only to then be arrested and sent to jail for life.
Twinkie Has Filed For Unemployment!
The Texas State Fair’s snack booths have officially gone to DEFCON 5 after this week’s business closure. Hostess, the maker of Wonder bread and Twinkies, has announced that they will file for bankruptcy (Chapter 7) and will liquidate all their assets to the highest bidder. Their unionized staff of 18,500 employees will join the unemployment lines of America this week. There is one silver lining i
n this cholesterol free story, all employees have been promised one Ho-Ho and a loaf of Wonder bread in their severance packages. Hostess Unions, that were the cause of this bankruptcy, have promised to administer the one Ho-Ho and loaf of Wonder break based on need and not merit out of respect for the policies that caused this massive business closure
The Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM) began their strikes last week and successfully caused production to stop in 12 of Hostess’ 33 plants. This was the final blow to this 82-year old company with annual sales of $2.5 billion. Hostess ceased all production Friday and announced plans to enter Chapter 7 bankruptcy there after.
“the truth is that had it not been for the valiant efforts of our members over the last eight years, including accepting significant wage and benefit concessions after the first bankruptcy, this company would have gone out of business long ago.”
It is quite obvious the unions were the victims in this case, and the timing of their strikes with the announcement of bankruptcy is just a coincident we should all over look. Please also overlook the fact that “Hostess Teamsters workers could have earned between $50,000 to $100,000 a year,”even after taking a benefits cut in 2004 during their first bankruptcy restructuring. Also please also over look the fact that those incomes are roughly double to quadrupedal the poverty line.
Grab another tissue because this Nicholas Sparks-like storyline doesn’t end with Hostess. The day following the election, Wednesday the 7th, stocks dropped 313 points, 22 employees were laid off from a Las Vegas small business, 156 Coal employees were laid off, and a CEO in Florida gave all his employees a 5% raise to “handle the additional hardship the government will put on them.” The following week on Monday, November 12th,Wal-Mart announced their employee medical premiums will raise between 8-36%. Since the initial drop the stock market has not bounced back and has continued to slide, down 650 points since the election. This is obviously the “Change” we’ve all been waiting for Obama to show us! Let’s be clear, there is an economic mountain in front of this nation, and we (not the government) are going to have to painfully go “Forward” without our American fuel, Twinkies and Ho-Ho’s. God help us all.
On a more positive note we can expect to see Twinkies on the next season of Pawn Stars, and we officially know parts of Zombieland have come true.
The Political Gridiron
The Conservative Spoon Staff has collected some College Coach look a likes in the political arena, let us know what you think!
Chris Christie & Brady Hoke
Jon Tester & Charlie Weis
Jim Tressel & Harry Reid
Kevin McCarthy & Ron Zook
Cory Brooker & Joker Phillips
William Taft & Andy Reid*
*We know Andy Reid is a NFL coach but we included his Taftstache because it was too good to pass up.
The Conservative Spoon 